Brilliant T-shirt

A snap that I took at a recent concert.

 

Gujarati Thali

I had gone to Guajarat for 4 days on a pleasure trip. The biggest takeaway was the ‘Gujarati Thali’. As soon as I returned, I wrote to my friends about it.

********************

Gujarati Thali – WOW!!!!!!  I mean. It is FABULOUS ya!!! NOTHING like it!! Here is how it is. When you walk into a Gujju restaurant for lunch/dinner, on your table there would be by default a plate (bronze/steel) laid with 7 small tumblers in it. Two spoons too. Gujjus have the habit of eating snacks throughout the day. They have it at literally ALL the time. So the first thing they serve is snacks. Sweet samosa was the only recognizable snack in the 4 meals that I had. The others too taste BRILLIANT but I don’t know their names. They come in lots of shapes. The most strangely shaped snack was in a spiral form. Little sweet, little hot. Each restaurant makes its own snacks. Notice that snacks is not just an add on. They are like a VITAL part of the meal. Then they’d fill up the 7 tumblers with dishes. They are mostly the same in all restaurants. Couple of dry sabjis, some curd based ones, some spicy ones. Then for some reason, they give you a choice between dal and kadi. Kadi is a white dish which is little sweet. Kadi tastes very good when had with snacks or roti. Then come the rotis. They taste so awesome ya!! Again, note that NOTHING is limited. I observed others having food. They have everything in random. Snacks first, then rotis, then one might ask for snacks again, else maybe sweets, then one poori, then one samosa, then a sip of lassi, then have a very spicy sabji, then a snack again. No order And the waiters KEEP ON coming to you with different things. There is no way you can have an uninterrupted meal. Now that is something I had to get used to the first time. The message is very clear ‘In my restaurant, you eat like a king. But you will ONLY eat.’ As you are done with maybe 30% of the meal, they bring in sweets. They don’t wait for you to finish because sweets can be had any time, not just in the end. Now the sweets!! They use their best utensils to hold sweets. Very attractive bowls. The first time I went for a Guj meal, I ate in such frenzy like never before in life. For a full 15 mins, I ATE and ATE and ATE. I, for the first time in my memory, could feel food up to my throat. I just ate LOTS maan. J J By the third or fourth time, I had settled down nicely and enjoyed the meal more.

PS – In my hostel, I used to face questions like ‘How do you eat vegetarian food daily ya??’ ‘Eda ee sambarum thyrum okke enganeya ennum kazhikkunne!!’

********************

 

Playboy

It’s been a life long ambition to own a Playboy magazine.

When I was 13, I was lot innocent-er than today’s average 13 year old. No internet, no cable connection, no VCR, no easy access to real ‘Other magazines’. What is an ‘other magazine’? ‘Other magazine’ is the literal translation for ‘matte pusthakam‘ in my mother tongue. It means a magazine with lots of sleaze.

Thanks to the innocence levels, even Stardust and Cine Blitz – standard ,Bollywood magazines, were ‘Other magazines’ for me. My parents bought those magazines once in a while and would keep them in the upper most section of the book shelf in an effort to keep their son ’sane’. But I knew it all ok!!

There was this time of the day in the evening when dad went for walking and mom went to the garden. That one hour or so was when I taste absolute freedom. Instead of doing home work as my mom expected me to, I would get busy doing my own stuff – steal food, call my friends, try out different hairstyles, peel off varnish from the chairs in the sitting room. It was THE time of the day. I also used to generally explore different corners of the house. During one such exploration, I found this treasure of Stardusts and Cine Blitzs. I remember being hugely excited about my discovery. I was thrilled to see pictures of Mamta Kulkarni and Raveena Tandon. Mamta Kulkarni was SOMETHING man!! From then, for a long time, all other activities took a back seat. The ‘freedom hour’ meant looking at pictures in those awesome ‘Other magazines’. ‘Other magazines’, ‘Other magazines’, ‘Other magazines’!!

My classmates and other friends – the closest that even they got to ‘Other magazines’ was Stardust and Cine Blitz. That too, in secret. I guess that is reason enough to use the phrase ‘deprived childhood’. Now while all this was happening, there was this brat called ‘Febin’ in my class. He was a BRAT. Like they say in the sophisticated language, ‘He’s a brat with a capital b, capital r, capital a and a capital t’. So he was that sort of a brat. And he used to mock us when we talk about Stardusts and Cineblitzs.

‘All that is not the real thing. You should see Playboy. That is the ultimate ‘other magazine”
‘Whoa. Where do we buy it from?’
‘Buy??? Ha. Keep dreaming. All that you get only in America.’
‘Huh. So Febin, how come you have seen one??’
‘Well. I have my sources. I can’t tell you.’
‘Give it to us no? Let us all also see no?’
(Now comes the punch dialogue)
‘You wont be able to handle it, son.’
‘No. No. Please please’
‘Hmm. Let me see if I can get one’

Everyday we would ask Febin if he got it. He kept on giving us some lame excuses. We had almost given up when one day, in the first hour of class, the word spread – ‘Febin has got it!!!!!!!!!!!’. Believe me, that was ONE LONG HOUR!! As soon as the bell rang and the teacher left, we rushed to the back bench. Febin must have sensed the desperation; he started acting pricey.

‘Book? What book?’
‘Hey, Anoop said you have brought the book’
‘No. I haven’t’
‘Huh!! you haven’t??’
‘Well. I have. But I can’t show it to you now. I will pass it around during the next hour. Less rush that way.’

I got my chance during the third hour, after most guys were done with it. I was not among the stars in the class, you see. I was surprised when I saw ‘Debonair’ written on the cover. Nevertheless it is was an ‘other magazine’. The pictures were quite awesome, I must admit. I looked at those with my mouth wide open. They were kick-ass!! Sigh.

Now since Febin said he’ll get a Playboy and got this magazine, I thought Playboy was a genre of ‘Other magazines’. I was under this impression for many more years. Probably, it was when internet was born that this misconception was corrected. With all this drama and hype surrounding Playboy, I used to think that the first thing one would buy on landing in America would be a Playboy magazine. Many of my friends have been there. I realize that not many have the same excitement about it as I do. But one thing is for sure. If I ever get to go to America, if I can help it, I will buy a Playboy magazine right on the first day.

 

Chacko English

I did my 11th and 12th in Kerala. It was called Pre-Degree back then; it was in college – Union Christian College, Aluva. Most of the students, me included, used to be day scholars. But there were some resident students too. The hostel was called ‘The Chacko hostel’.

http://wikimapia.org/#lat=10.126847&lon=76.335891&z=18&l=0&m=a&v=2

The inmates there were from different states and hence had to communicate in English. Some, especially the south indians, were too intellectual to be bothered about the nuances of the English language.

But the inmates had to get ideas across. They had to talk!! English in the original form is too ‘angrezi’, they decided. And thus was born ‘Chacko English’, with its own grammar rules and the likes!!

Let me start with the rules, then. There are just three of them. Really simple.

1. Refrain from using anything other than simple present tense.
2. Use your intelligence to understand the tense of a word.
3. When in doubt, use ‘The’.

Alright. Now, my dear friends, you are ready to blurt out three important sentences which will form the pillars of your understanding of Chacko English.

Very common situation #1 : You want to take someone out for coffee.
Normal English : Can we go for a coffee?
Chacko English : We the coffee?

Very common situation #2 : You and your friend are going for coffee. Someone on the way asks where you are going.
Normal English : We are going for coffee.
Chacko English : We the coffee.

Very common situation #3 : Someone asks you and your friend if you’d like to join them for coffee.
Normal English : We had coffee just now.
Chacko English : We the coffee. (with shake of the head)

If you observed well enough, my friends, Chacko English makes life REALLY simple. With subtle facial expressions and nods of the head, you can get the idea across. What better way to communicate in a hostel.

Exercises – Convert the following ideas into Chacko English.

Q. The idlis they make in the hotel are very tasty.
A. The hotel the idlis the good.

Q. Do you have time to come with me to the bank?
A. I the go the bank. You the time?

There you are. Now you the know the Chacko English!!!!

Happy Chacko English!!!!

Remember the golden rule. “When in doubt use ‘The’”. 

 

The eraser

It’s an eraser broken into three pieces, held together by a rubber band, with a pin piercing through the center.

The eraser came from nowhere. I’m very sure I don’t own it. I’m reasonably sure I did not get it from my office facilities room either. But it has been lying at my desk for quite some time. I started paying attention to it probably 8-9 months back when a merciless colleague of mine came to my desk and broke it into two. Trivial, but I could not approve of the colleague coming out of nowhere and breaking my eraser; especially since he came asking for a favor. Soon after he left happy at getting his job done, I tied a rubber band (which I happened to have then) around the eraser. Then I could at least imagine that it is in shape and feeling alright. I guess that act of benevolence set off the ‘guardian’ feeling that I now have towards it.

The next act of disfiguration was by a subordinate!! He came to my desk when I was away to fill my water bottle. Within the 180 seconds of my absence, he stripped the eraser of the rubber band and ripped off a small piece from one of the two halves. If not for my quick intervention, he would have raped it beyond recognition. God knows what sort of ‘Un-fear your boss’ globes he has; when I complained, he kept giggling. Of course I made him wait till I fixed the-now-’MY’ eraser and kept it safely on top of my computer CPU. The ‘guardian’ feeling was cemented. The eraser was there to stay. 

It underwent two major transformations since then. I colored the bottom side blue and let a lady colleague of mine write ‘M’ twice on the top side. It retained this form for a significantly long time. Any colleague who dared to touch it was properly dealt with. My reactions were laughed at by most; only one found the ‘guardian’ feeling perfectly valid. The second and quite recent transformation was the pin. I had got it along with me to peel off the skin from the edges of my fingers – that’s a good way to spend time while I wait for my computer database to respond. I guess the ‘monument’ look that the eraser has now is mainly due to the pin.

The last 8-9 months have been quite important to my career. I had just come back from Chennai. Promotion, a new team, a new role,a new boss, new client.. the eraser was witness to all that. Over time, I’ve developed a decent amount of emotional attachment to it. So yesterday, I took it home. I don’t want to lose it.