K Mallikarjun

I did my 11th and 12th in Kerala. It was called Pre-Degree back then; it was in college – Union Christian College, Aluva. Most of the students, me included, used to be day scholars. But there were some resident students too. The hostel was called ‘The Chacko hostel’.

http://wikimapia.org/#lat=10.126847&lon=76.335891&z=18&l=0&m=a&v=2

The inmates there were from different states and hence had to communicate in English. Some, especially the south indians, were too intellectual to be bothered about the nuances of the English language.

But the inmates had to get ideas across. They had to talk!! English in the original form is too ‘angrezi’, they decided. And thus was born ‘Chacko English’, with its own grammar rules and the likes!!

Let me start with the rules, then. There are just three of them. Really simple.

1. Refrain from using anything other than simple present tense.
2. Use your intelligence to understand the tense of a word.
3. When in doubt, use ‘The’.

Alright. Now, my dear friends, you are ready to blurt out three important sentences which will form the pillars of your understanding of Chacko English.

Very common situation #1 : You want to take someone out for coffee.
Normal English : Can we go for a coffee?
Chacko English : We the coffee?

Very common situation #2 : You and your friend are going for coffee. Someone on the way asks where you are going.
Normal English : We are going for coffee.
Chacko English : We the coffee.

Very common situation #3 : Someone asks you and your friend if you’d like to join them for coffee.
Normal English : We had coffee just now.
Chacko English : We the coffee. (with shake of the head)

If you observed well enough, my friends, Chacko English makes life REALLY simple. With subtle facial expressions and nods of the head, you can get the idea across. What better way to communicate in a hostel.

Exercises – Convert the following ideas into Chacko English.

Q. The idlis they make in the hotel are very tasty.
A. The hotel the idlis the good.

Q. Do you have time to come with me to the bank?
A. I the go the bank. You the time?

There you are. Now you the know the Chacko English!!!!

Happy Chacko English!!!!

Remember the golden rule. “When in doubt use ‘The’”. 

Verse 1:
Can I find my way to that cloud
How ’bout that bit I need.
All I have with me in my hands
May just not guide me on.

Verse 2:
Echoes I have heard all the while
Loud and clear they told me
Everything that one takes with him
On his road to the ninth.

Verse 3:
Numbers I’ve made them all my life
Racing fast as I could.
Over my brothers I flew high
Castles mine were so tall.

Verse 4:
Knowing that one thing that I lost
Eleven years back you left
Rowing with such force, left me stunned
Still those ripples move me

Chorus:
I am just one beneath the ninth,
All I need is one last gasp.
I am just one beneath the ninth,
Come back and take me there.

I am just one beneath the ninth,
All I need is one last gasp.
I am just one beneath the ninth,
Come back and take me there.

Verse 5:
Numbers I’ve made them all my life
Racing fast as I could.
Over my brothers I flew high
Castles mine were so tall.

Verse 6:
Knowing that one thing that I lost
Eleven years back you left
Rowing with such force, left me stunned
Still those ripples move me

Chorus:
I am just one beneath the ninth,
All I need is one last gasp.
I am just one beneath the ninth,
Come back and take me there.

I am just one beneath the ninth,
All I need is one last gasp.
I am just one beneath the ninth,
Come back and take me there.

I wrote this song for the band I used to play for – ‘The Chameleon’. If you read the first letter of each of the first 16 lines, it reads ‘Chameleon Rockers’.  Obviously I had to put some effort to get that pattern in, but it doesn’t look forced, does it? Keeping the pattern aside, did you get the thought in the song?

Please download and listen to the song at http://groups.google.com/group/Kitchen-Chameleon

   

Verse 1 :
That day I was back from my school
Dad was lying down, feeling all tired
Must be the heat, heat at the farm
Mom took care of him, said hes got flu

Days passed and we got no food left
Son, go to the farm, so I did.
My sis came to me, crying at loudest
Dad’s no more, it was the ‘dreaded’.

Chorus :
Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Verse 2 :
Mom fell sick, dint wanna lose her
Doc is miles away, how can I get there
Friends got worried, offered no help
They said she’s got the ‘dreaded’ from dad

Asked me to take em, never come again
I pleaded to them all, but we got chased
Said they’ll get it too n threw stones
Saved my lil sis, but not my mom.

Chorus :
Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Verse 3 :
Took my lil sis far from the slum
Made our own tent near those trains
Alms were hard to come, we tried so hard
We stole food yes, no other way

No one ever told us about our flesh
Sis fell in the hands of those boys
The ‘dreaded’ was prowling, once again
Took her away too, leaving me lone.

Chorus :
Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Verse 4 :
Now I know it all, its far too late
Let not lil ones be like me
They’ve got only you to look upto
Let not lil ones be like me

Chorus :
Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

Little Red Ribbon,
Say it louder for me and the li’l ones.

I wrote this for a ‘Make a song on AIDS Awareness preferably focusing on the innocent children affected by the disease’ program. I myself did not know much about the effects of the disease. For three days, I read about it on the net – mainly real life experiences. Some were shocking, to say the least.

I hope these lyrics reach a wider audience. This is my little effort to encourage the society to help the little children out there who are suffering because of AIDS.

The world famous guitarist Benny Prasad did a show in our campus on December 12.

‘World famous Indian guitarist’ was probably a myth before Benny Prasad came into the scene. But it’s an irony that very few people in India know of this fellow countryman who has travelled to over 150 countries with his music. Shows at the FIFA World Cup and the Olympics, a Ph. D for his self-designed guitar, a Limca record for being the most travelled musician – for a man with such achievements, he deserves a lot more attention.

His show at our campus was rather crisp and short. The music was soulful, melodious and went down well with the audience. My friend tells me that all the three pieces that he played are very popular Christian songs. I haven’t heard the originals but he played some beautiful hindustani sounding riffs in between; his composition skills were quite evident. As much as I liked his music, I didn’t find the style all that original. Tapping, Harmonics, percussions -  someone like Justin King would probably do wonders with the guitar he was using.

The show was not just about his music. Benny Prasad shared with us the remarkable story of his life. Rejections in life, failures, diseases – he fought them all to get to the position he is in today. The Christmas message he had for us was quite touching – ‘Be happy for what you are’.

He brought with him, the same self-designed guitar as in the snap above. From the internet I came to know that it is called a ‘Bentar’. It’s probably a pun for Benny + Guitar. For such a lovely piece of art, he should given a sexier name. If Prof. Dumbledore were to design a bass guitar, he wouldn’t name it Dumbass, would he?

It’s an eraser broken into three pieces, held together by a rubber band, with a pin piercing through the center.

The eraser came from nowhere. I’m very sure I don’t own it. I’m reasonably sure I did not get it from my office facilities room either. But it has been lying at my desk for quite some time. I started paying attention to it probably 8-9 months back when a merciless colleague of mine came to my desk and broke it into two. Trivial, but I could not approve of the colleague coming out of nowhere and breaking my eraser; especially since he came asking for a favor. Soon after he left happy at getting his job done, I tied a rubber band (which I happened to have then) around the eraser. Then I could at least imagine that it is in shape and feeling alright. I guess that act of benevolence set off the ‘guardian’ feeling that I now have towards it.

The next act of disfiguration was by a subordinate!! He came to my desk when I was away to fill my water bottle. Within the 180 seconds of my absence, he stripped the eraser of the rubber band and ripped off a small piece from one of the two halves. If not for my quick intervention, he would have raped it beyond recognition. God knows what sort of ‘Un-fear your boss’ globes he has; when I complained, he kept giggling. Of course I made him wait till I fixed the-now-’MY’ eraser and kept it safely on top of my computer CPU. The ‘guardian’ feeling was cemented. The eraser was there to stay. 

It underwent two major transformations since then. I colored the bottom side blue and let a lady colleague of mine write ‘M’ twice on the top side. It retained this form for a significantly long time. Any colleague who dared to touch it was properly dealt with. My reactions were laughed at by most; only one found the ‘guardian’ feeling perfectly valid. The second and quite recent transformation was the pin. I had got it along with me to peel off the skin from the edges of my fingers – that’s a good way to spend time while I wait for my computer database to respond. I guess the ‘monument’ look that the eraser has now is mainly due to the pin.

The last 8-9 months have been quite important to my career. I had just come back from Chennai. Promotion, a new team, a new role,a new boss, new client.. the eraser was witness to all that. Over time, I’ve developed a decent amount of emotional attachment to it. So yesterday, I took it home. I don’t want to lose it.